Ballad's Guilt
by Balladisabitch
Summary: Ballad's emotional breakdown and guilt of leaving her friend to "die"... (note, the events that happen in the story actually happen to me in real life).


Darkness.

I couldn't see a thing.

Nothing but darkness.

Many voices spoke.

"This is all your fault..."

"None of this wouldn't have happened if you weren't such a coward..."

"This is what the family did to us..."

"I couldn't believe they'd do this..."

"They were the ones... they were the ones who've started this, this entire time..."

"Mom couldn't have known!"

"This is our punishment for our weaknesses!"

"I'm so sorry!"

...

"You left me here..."

"You left me here... to..."

Ballad woke up, sweating, hot with a slight fever, tears in her eyes but no crying, and she was breathing heavily. After realizing it was all just a dream, she sighed.

"Again..." Ballad sighed, she was already used to this. She's been going through with this for ten long years.

Ballad got up and saw it was just about 4:00 AM. Everyone was asleep.

Ballad grabbed the yellow lighter she stole from her parents' bathroom from upstairs, and grabbed the cigarettes she had hidden in her armoire.

She went to the front door and quietly walked outside. She lit the lighter and began to smoke. Coughing with wheezes within them. Breathing in the mold from her room was effecting her breathing and she knew that smoking would make it worse. She knew the consequences... she knew it could kill her lungs. But she didn't care. A bunch of flashbacks began to over flow her head. It was awful. They wouldn't leave her alone. As well as a bunch of voices were calling for her name. Ballad shut her eyes tightly and bit down very hard, covering her ears. They all suddenly stopped as a small voice asked a question.

"What are you doing out here?" a voice asked.

Ballad turned around and saw that...

It was that girl again...

Ballad turned away.

"Nothing... now leave me alone..." Ballad replied with a rather bored yet sad tone. Dropping the cigerette and stomping on it to blow it out.

"Why did you stop?" the girl asked.

"It's... not healthy..." Ballad replied slowly.

"Yes, you KNOW that. You KNOW if you keep doing it then you'll die from it." the girl said.

"It could kill..." Ballad was cut off.

"You're already dying... remember?" the girl sad sadistically.

"I..." Ballad was cut off more.

"But this is what YOU want. It's what I want! Just do it... do it already." the girl demanded.

"No..." Ballad replied sternly.

"There... there could still be... some hope left..." Ballad sighed, knowing the actual truth.

"NO! There is NO hope! There is NO future for us anymore! There's NOTHING for us to do left!" The girl yelled.

"No... you... are wrong..." Ballad replied quietly.

"YOU are wrong. There's nothing left for us in this world. We're trapped here. We're locked here. And you KNOW this!" The girl continued to yell.

"SHUT UP!" Ballad screamed, causing one of her neighbor's dogs to bark. Ballad quickly ran back inside and then locked herself back in her bedroom.

Ballad crawled down and picked up the box cutter she always hid underneath the make up box she never used.

Ballad looked at what she was holding, slowly looking down on it as well. They both KNEW what they were thinking.

"Do it..." The girl demanded.

"No!" Ballad quickly replied.

"You KNOW you want to... think about it. There's no where to go. There's no where to run. No where to hide. It will come back to haunt you more and more. I will come back. They will come back. HE will come back-" The girl was quickly silenced by Ballad.

"NO!" Ballad screamed, shaking.

"It's been six long years and you're STILL mourning... Don't you want to see him again?" The voice continued to convince.

"N-no... please..." Ballad was beginning to cry.

"and... this all needs to stop..." the girl said softly.

"Please... what do you want me to do?!" Ballad cried.

"You and me... we both want it to end... we've been wanting this to end for years. It's time to end this. SHE's gone. We have lost HIM and you're still mourning over THEM. These illnesses... phychical... mental... the abuse... they've gone on for far too long. There is no more hope for us. You can see THEM again... if you end this." The girl spoke sadly.

Ballad began to break down.

"But... I... I can't... I..."

"They're waiting for us..." The girl said.

Ballad placed her hands on her face.

"It's been ten long years." the girl spoke.

"I CAN'T!" Ballad screamed, almost waking up every one in her home.

Ballad got dressed and ran outside. She ran as far and fast as she could. She made it up by the park near her house. The street lights and side walk lights were all on, along with a few headlights from a few cars driving by lit up the town a little. Ballad stopped running and stopped at the bridge with the stream of water underneath it. She walked to it and sat down. Staring at the water. But then... Ballad heard a voice say her name.

"Why did you leave me...?" the voice asked.

Ballad's eyes widen... she KNEW who was talking. She slowly turned her head. It was HIM.

"I thought you were my best friend...?" HE spoke.

Ballad was shaking and nearly cried in fear.

A bunch of flashbacks flowed in her head.

"Why did you leave me here to..."

Ballad began to hear many voices scream at her and calling out her name, having flashbacks, and saw THEM just standing there, asking why Ballad did all of... "this".

Streams of tears ran down her face.

She screamed at the top of her lungs.

"NO!" Ballad screamed and cried.

THEY were only walking closer.

"I just stood there... watching you leave. You never said goodbye. And I watched you leave me..." HE spoke.

"NO! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! IT WAS THEIRS! IT WAS THEIR FAULT!" Ballad screamed aggressively.

Everything became silent.

A person had opened their window and asked if Ballad was ok.

Ballad, being embarassed, lied to the stranger that it was nothing and walked away. As soon as the person closed their window, Ballad began to run.

Heading off into a field.

"What are you running from now...?" a small voice asked.

Ballad turned to see it was HER.

"I..." Ballad was too shocked to speak.

"Well? What is it?" SHE asked.

Ballad couldn't tell if SHE was real.

"I... what... why are you... doing this to me?" Ballad asked.

THEY all showed up again.

The people. The voices. Hallucinations. Flashbacks.

Ballad could no longer move.

"It's your fault..."

"You're the reason we're gone..."

"YOU DID THIS TO US."

"YOU KILLED US. ALL OF US!"

THEY all screamed at Ballad.

"NO! SHUT UP! IT WAS FATE THAT CHOSE! I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE! I'M THE ONE WHO KILLED ALL OF YOU! I KNOW I AM! STOP THIS! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!" Ballad screamed hysterically.

It wouldn't stop.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! SHUT UP! STOP THIS! I'VE LIVED WITH REGRET FOR SO LONG! I'VE ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Ballad screamed as tears and mucus ran down her face.

SHE spoke.

"I want you to... KILL OURSELVES. End it all..."

Ballad looked at the box cutter again.

"We know you want this... you've BEEN wanting this for ten years. All of us have." the girl spoke.

"NO!" Ballad screamed as she threw a rock at all of THEM and they had vanished.

She ran all the way to the edge of the town, leading to the next.

Everything around her stopped.

Everything got dark.

Ballad saw a man. Walking towards her slowly. Smirking. Knife in hand. This was a man Ballad KNEW. This was a man Ballad had known for YEARS. He went from smirking to laughing.

Ballad began shaking, nearly vomiting.

She gave up. She just accepted it. She let the man walk closer and closer. He got the knife and the knife was about an inch away from her throat.

"HEY! Are you lost?" the voice of a woman spoke. Ballad got up and saw a woman in a car, in the back seat were her children.

Ballad walked up to the car.

"Yes... please... drive me home... I live very close..." Ballad gave the woman directions and she drove Ballad all the way to her house.

After Ballad walked inside, she saw that it was already 5:30 AM. The sky was getting up. Ballad lied down in bed. Looking at the scars on her thighs.

"I want it to end too..." Ballad said depressingly.


End file.
